Comfort. Elegance. Style. It’s more than marketing techniques. It’s a prism of endless possibility. Where a single conglomerate can branch out with their infinite revenue streams, creating alternate products from the ones you know. Each a reflection of what could have been. Some products will rise, others will fall. And nothing will be the same. I am The Shopper. I am your guide through these vast new revenue lines. Follow me and ponder the question… What if Apple was a furniture business?
You know Apple as the technological giant that shook the world with its innovative, well, marketing techniques. From iPhone to iPad to Mac launches, Apple ensured that every ad and expo was crafted for perfection. It made people realize what they’re missing by providing well-marketed solutions for the same. As a result, Apple became the first company to reach a market value of $2 trillion in your reality. However, in this reality, things turned out to be… a little different. Look for yourself.
Comfort. That’s iChair.
Here we have an Ordinary Guy who wants to buy an iChair from Apple – the furniture store. Walking into the completely wooden-finished Apple store, he is greeted by a receptionist. Here’s a conversation that follows.
Receptionist: Good day to you, Sir. How may we help you today?
Ordinary Guy: Hi, good morning. I would like to buy an iChair.
Receptionist looks Ordinary Guy up and down. “Is this your first time at an Apple store, sir?”
“Yes.”
The receptionist starts walking towards a room. Ordinary Guy follows with slight hesitation. On there way, he sees an enthusiast being detained for bargaining on the wardrobeOS price.
Inside the dark, empty room is a single iChair.
A spotlight showcases the premium finish and a voice calls out to him.
Voice (with intense background music): Gentleman, are you here to buy an iChair?
Ordinary Guy: Um, yeah. Could someone please help me with—
Voice: Unfortunately, we do not sell chairs.
Ordinary Guy: Er, I thought this was an Apple store.
Voice: It is. But we do not sell chairs. (pause) We sell comfort.
(awkward pause)
Voice (background music continues): Imagine a place where you can rest after a long, tiring day. A place where you can avoid all your feelings of pain and fatigue and just… relax.
Ordinary Guy: You mean, like, a chair?
Voice (ignoring him): Apple has always been a place where we strive to make a change. To leave an impact on the world that we live in. Which is why we have iChairs – a way to deliver utmost comfort to our customers. A way to—
Ordinary Guy: Er, sorry, but—
Voice: What?
Ordinary Guy: Can you just tell me the price?
Voice (sighs): We don’t put a price on comfort, Sir. What we can tell you is that our iChairs come with an absolute level of comfort as well as detachable legs so that they can also be used for floor seating.
Ordinary Guy: Okaaay… floor seating? Of course. Can I at least try it?
Voice: The comfort we provide is personalised for the actual setting that you need.
Ordinary Guy: Which means…?
Voice: No. You cannot ‘try’ it.
Ordinary Guy: Yeah, that’s it. I’m out.
Ordinary Guy walks out of the room with the receptionist as the iChair saga comes to an end. As he gets back to the Apple store, he comes across a hallway with labels ‘iTable 11 Mini’, ‘iTable 11 Pro’, and ‘iTable 11 Pro Max’. He halts.
iTable Mini. The next big thing.
At the counter, Ordinary Guy sees a salesperson explaining the concept of an iTable Mini to another consumer.
“The flat top is detachable and comes in three different coatings – ivory white, eggshell white, and off white. But that’s not even the best part. The best part is that this table comes with more than one leg!”
Ordinary Guy jumps in on the conversation.
“Isn’t an iTable Mini basically just a pedestal? Do you really need more than one leg for a pedestal?”
“Well, the iTable Mini comes in one, three, and five legs. With the iTable Mini one-legged edition, you get stability and style. However, if you’re a heavy user, you can opt for the three or five-legged editions. These extra legs give you a chance to be truly carefree and leave all your worries where they belong – on the iTable.”
Ordinary Guy: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Overwhelmed by the top-notch salesmanship and infuriated by the lack of mediocrity, Ordinary Guy starts walking towards the door. On his way, he comes across a ‘iMirror Touch’, ‘iStool SE’, ‘CouchTime’, and ‘iCoaster Shuffle’. But that’s a story for some other day. I am The Shopper. I am your guide to this vast multiverse with multiple revenue streams. This was if Apple was a furniture business. Let me know which realities you want to explore next (in the comments below). Follow me into the unknown and ponder the question… What If?
